- When I decided to visit Auschwitz, and looked into my options, I decided I would much prefer to go alone. I expected deep emotions coming out, and wanted to take the time I needed to absorb what I knew would be a shocking experience. I was therefore heavily disappointed to find out that independent visits were temporarily unavailable because of Covid regulations. Even worse: no English tours available until the late afternoon. I made sure to be at the entrance half an hour before opening the next day, still had to wait for two hours to find one ticket, to then never find my guide and wander around the extermination camp all by myself anyway. For such a landmark destination, I was surprised how badly it was organised. Once inside, I concentrate on what I am seeing. I walk past barracks, under the copy of the infamous Arbeit Macht Frei slogan above the entrance, and read the explanatory boards on the way. It is a bright sunny day, where for some reason I had hoped for rain which would have been more in tune with the history I am going to see. Several of the barracks have been turned into an exhibition where I learn more about life in the extermination camps. Some of the stories I had heard or read about before, but there is still lots to be learned.
- And most of all, it is shocking to see how this entire concentration camp was all about dehumanising and efficiency of killing people. Like it were an enormous factory geared for maximum output in the shortest tine possible. I see the Death Wall, where it is estimated around 20.000 prisoners were shot, after being stripped naked, with their hands tied behind their backs. Many were Poles, and many shouted Long Live Poland just before a shot in the head killed them. In many barracks, I find black-and-white pictures giving an idea of what life here really looked like during the war. Walking past sturdy fences with barbed wire and watchtowers, I come to some of the gas chambers that were rebuilt after the war. Standing in the room, I wait until all other visitors around me are gone. The walls are dark, there are a few openings in the ceiling. I close my eyes, and try to imagine how people are stripped naked. Walk into this damp room. And then, the door is closed, Zyklon-B is thrown into the room through the holes in the ceiling, and within ten minutes, everyone inside is dead. I open my eyes, walk into the next room where I find ovens where the dead were cremated, so the room could receive the next batch of people to be gassed.
- It is time to take the bus to Birkenau. This is a newer Lager, much bigger than Auschwitz. This is the infamous end of the train line, with the huge gate through which people arrived, never to leave again. As was said in the short movie about the camps: most people arriving here spent less time than a regular visitor nowadays. They were led directly from the trains into the gas chambers. Incredible, a veritable mass murder machinery. Most of the barracks have gone: you can only see their outlines. I walk along the train tracks, straight to where the gas chambers were. The Nazis demolished them before Auschwitz-Birkenau was conquered by the Allied forces, in an attempt to wipe out their crimes against humanity. I pass the International Memorial to the Victims of Auschwitz, and walk into the forest behind Birkenau. Here, I find bunkers, remains of more barracks, ponds where the ashes of cremated people were buried. Another exhibition on how people were treated here. Their hair shaven and used in industries, their shoes taken and often sold, their glasses confiscated before they entered the gas chamber. I walk past more ruins of gas chambers, and return on the other side of the train tracks. Before I came here, I had wanted to explore by myself, which turned out to be possible after all, even though officially not allowed. I wanted to be alone, because I expected to cry my eyes out. Yet, that didn't happen. No matter how shocking all the things I saw are, it leaves me with a burning feeling of anger inside, of sadness, of disbelief at what humans are capable of doing to each other. But the tears, they just didn't come.
